What? Me Scared of Bennett’s Curse? Puh-leasssse!

Haunted House

This old house: Careful where you look. I’m pretty sure that even this photo is a little bit haunted. (saturn ♄ via Flickr)

Don’t look!

Why did I look at that link? Now I’m gonna have nightmares for weeks!

Breathe, breathe, OK, OK, calm down. Remember those breathing lessons I was forced to learn in college, in that something-or-other yoga class for that stupid P.E. requirement.

I can do it, I can conquer my fear. After all, it’s just a website. What is there to be afraid of?

OK, I’ll do it again – oh, my god! Whoa! Gotta stop.

There are some scary websites out there, but this is one of the scariest. Just listen to the sound of those faux torches bursting through your speakers! Look at that devilish beast staring at you like some horror film! That foreboding castle! Gives me the shivers just looking at it.

What? Go there? On Halloween? What are you talking about? It’s a website.

Oh, now I get it. Bennett’s Curse – House of the Vampyres at Blobs Park in Jessup, Md. (Near Columbia.) You mean go there. OK, as long as I don’t have to go to the place on that website.

[ Related: They’re Here! Five Spooky Spots in the D.C. Area ]

What? The actual place is even scarier than the site? And you still want me to go?! Are you nuts?

Chicken? What are you talking about? The thing is I’ve … I’ve made other plans. Trick-or-treating, I’m going trick-or-treating.

Bennett’s Curse at Blobs Park
8024 Max Blobs Park Rd., Jessup, MD 20794

I’m too old to trick-or-treat? Well, I’m taking the…

OK, I remember now. I can’t go. Nope, not this time. Sorry. There’s a party in Northwest I was invited to, and … it’s ah, it’s mandatory. I mean, we all gotta go, from work, yeah, all of us. Can’t do it. Sorry about that.

Lying? What are you talking about, I’m lying? Lying … I won’t even dignify that with a response.

Trick-or-treating? That again? OK, I forgot about the party, but I knew it was something I couldn’t miss. Trick-or-treating happened to be very important to me when I was a kid, and I just happened to get two important things mixed up. You know, Freudian mixer-upper.

No, I am not scared to go to Bennett’s Curse – House of the Vampyres!

Now I’ve about had it with you. I’m a grown man. What can some dime-bag haunted house do to me?

Come on. I’m going to the party. It’s settled.

What’s that? You say you’ve just IM’d Bruce so you … so you know I’m lying about the party, that there isn’t one? Alright, OK, OK, fine. I’ll go.

On Halloween.

Tickets? You’re online now buying tickets?! Wait a second, John. I didn’t say anything about buying tickets!

Chicken? Cut it out! OK, fine, buy the stupid tickets, come over here around 8 o’clock, pick me up and I’ll go to your stupid little haunted house. OK, that alright? Am I manly enough for you now?

What? Thou dost protest too much? Pluhhh … please. Me, scared? You’re off your rocker.

Wait, where did you go? John. John, where did you go?!

I was just kidding; you’re not crazy. You’re fine. John, really – and this part is serious – I just remembered my parent’s anniversary dinner …

(Crap, he’ll never believe that.)

Oh, my god, what have I done? How can I get out of this?! That demon, those torches. That castle!

Help me!

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Scott D

Scott D

Scott is a local writer and has been with the Apartment Showcase blog since its inception in 2010.

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